YEMİNLERİMİN KATİLİ: GECE
- Ahmet Arif Kutlu
- 6 Tem 2022
- 1 dakikada okunur
Kaybetmişliğimizin getirdiği dert, karanlığa uzanan gecelerde gönlümün dört bir yanını sarıyor. Karabasan misali çöküyor kalbimin inanç damarlarına. Tek ve yalnız kalmış inancımı soldurmak istercesine barbarca saldırıyor gece. Ve beton duvarlar arasında sıkışan ruhum, gecenin havasını solumaktan yorgun. Aydınlığın önünde hakikat dolu senfonisiyle dans eden bir rüzgara muhtaç yüreğim. Oysa o mevsim geçeli çok oldu. Şimdi pencerem, sonu görülmez bir bilinmezliğe sahne oluyor. Siyahın hakimiyeti güneşin hakkaniyetini esir almış, buydu bu manzaradan anladığım. Göğsüne hançer saplanması icap eden geceyi itinayla gözlüyorum. Herkesi uyuttuğunu zannediyor fakat ben dört duvar arasında, zihnimde esen deli rüzgarların içinde savrulurken uyumama yeminleri ediyorum. Uyumayacağım elbet, gecenin hakimiyetine son verip günü doğuracağım. Ve sonra penceremin bana sunduğu manzara yeniden aydınlanacak. Çiçekli bahçelerin resmini tekrardan sunacak. Ardından tüm eşya, tüm canlılar renkleriyle manasına kavuşacak. Aynalar manalı, kağıt manalı, kalem manalı ve ben yeniden manalıyım. Güzel hayaller tabii. Gözlerimi tekrardan açana kadar. Gecenin korku ve umutsuzluk saçan bakışlarıyla yeniden göz göze gelene kadar. Karanlık, karanlık, karanlık... Derken gözlerim kapanıyor, uyku bedenime bir katil gibi çöküyor usulca. Hakikat güneşini doğurmaya yeminler etmiştim oysa. Yeminlerimin katili oluyor bu uyku. Ve geceye ben de yeniliyorum. Fakat gece henüz bitmedi. Elbet birileri kalkar doğurur güneşi. Kalkın ve doğurun şu güneşi. Sonra beni de uyandırın, tüm insanlıkla beraber.
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